I worshiped in an Evangelical church this morning. Like hundreds of these types of churches across the nation I stood in the dark singing to the words that came up on the screen. The music rose from the drums, keyboard and guitars at decibels that enveloped the congregation and ushered each of us to the throne of the almighty. I stood with tears running down my face, belting out the words to; King of My Heart, by John Mark Mcmillan and Sarah Mcmillan. “May the king of my heart be the wind inside my sails, the anchor in the waves, Yes, He is my song. “You are good, good, ohhh. “
This is a typical Sunday morning in the kind of church that I attend, but there is nothing standard about my attendance. Today I picked a church just large enough that I could go in anonymity. I slip in just before it starts and go directly to the door and out into the parking lot at the end of the final song. I do not dare to stop at the booths that line the hallway asking for new members to “life groups,” or new volunteers for outreach, if I did someone might find my weakness. If I did someone might get to know who I really am. I have picked this church because I know, at least for a few weeks I will not be asked my name or noticed as a new attender. In this church I can meet my God as the dark sanctuary welcomes me. The others around me don’t know my story I am just one of the many that lifts their hands to the wonderful savior of the world. He is good, good, ohh.
But what if I weren’t a stranger? What if they knew my story? From my experience this would be the beginning of the end, I am not like the rest. A lesbian by birth and a child of God by second birth, I believe in the God of the Bible. I believe He loves me and died for me just like everyone else in the dark room where I stood in this morning. But if they knew I would not be seen by the others as fully accepted. But this does not deter me. “You are good, good, ohh.”
“May the king of my heart, be the fire inside my veins, oh He is my song.” There is so much misunderstanding, so much bigotry there are so many reasons for those who have been mistreated to reach toward bitterness. But, “you are good, good, ohh.”
The Apostle Paul’s words in Romans 8:3-39 speak truth to all those who are loved of God. “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution? …… No in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither angels nor demons, neither height nor depth, nor other Christians, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
What will matter at the end of my life? Will it be the opinions of others or the thoughts of my heavenly father? “May the king of my heart be the shadow where I hide, the echo of my days, oh He is my song. You are good, good, ohh.”